Kelvin Ling

I put people I know into friendship categories and based on this category is my interaction with said person.  I would do anything and everything I can legally to help out a friend but the degree of help is not all the same.

There is the top category, let’s call it Category A, and if you are in this category and you call me at 3am I will pick up the phone.  But if you are in the bottom category, let’s call it Category Z, and you call me at 3am, I probably won’t answer the phone.  Another way to look at the category is if you are in Category A and we discuss plans for Happy Hour, even if I don’t feel like going, I will keep the plan.  But if you are in Category Z and we make Happy Hour plans, I am likely to flake out on you because I need my alone time, it just depends on what kind of day or week I have had.

The higher category a person is in, the more of an effort I will put forth to keep up social protocol like if you ask me how I am doing, I will say more than the social convention of ‘I am fine, how are you’ or if you ask me what I did this past weekend, I will tell you what I actually did instead of ‘nothing’ or ‘ran errands’.

I am always adjusting this internal category listing.  So how many people is in this top category, not many.  I can count them in one hand and right now that number is 2 and maybe 3, presently re-evaluating this third person.

Why do I have the need to categorize people I know?  Well, it is to protect myself.  I find myself always wanting to fix a problem or help out a person.  This is not always a good idea because people lie.  I do this so I won’t feel too bad for not helping you.  I can say to myself since you have wronged me in the past then ‘no, I will not lend you money’ or ‘no, I won’t do that for you’ or ‘no, I can’t make lunch today’ or when you tell me you have a problem my answer will be ‘uh-oh’ even if I have the solution.